THIS moment was deep in my soul early this morning as I prayed my way into the day. I wanted to be intentionally mindful of each breath I was taking so I could stave off fear of the unknown future. I am so glad God planted that in me. I am one of three staffers who lost jobs today.
Breathing has saved me… feeling that simple rush of air on the inside tip of my nose. It reminds me that God’s breath is what is keeping me alive again in heartache. If you were near me right now, you would hear me shouting to the tangible world… You-Are-NOT-the-Boss-of-ME! I choose not to fall.
Peter (that guy who followed Jesus all over) has an eternal reputation for being a totally incompetent, babbling, foot-in-mouth klutz. Hardly a Peter-Gospel-homily goes by without the priest reiterating how he was always saying and doing stupid things. I wish I might have known him in the day. I have this image in my head of Jesus walking away for the umpteenth time, shaking his head as Peter lagged behind… until he GOT IT and then running after Jesus saying, “Okay… let me just try one more time.” With those frantic words ringing in his ears, I think Jesus must have smiled and waved Peter onward.
More than a klutz, I think Peter was a holy fool. He kept running after Jesus even though the world did all it could to persuade him otherwise. How is it that Peter was so tenacious and unyielding? How did he cling in his direst moments?
In the typical Peter homily, the next idea is always… Peter means ‘rock’ and on this rock I will build my church. (In my world… insert a lot of church rhetoric here.) Great… but we never hear more about what it takes to really be like Peter/to be the rock/to be the holy fool with unshakeable faith.
Maybe you have to live through it to understand.