In the throes of passion
I scream out to the universe
Me: I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
tears from the corners of my eyes only
my lungs threaten to heave big sobs
then the voice
God: Enough whiny butt!
Tell me… what am I not letting you do?!?!
The voice is angry.
an hour later I am still working for an answer
Okay I have one…
Me: It’s what you are making me do that’s creating the misery.
hmmph… there you go.
(I cross my arms and stick out my tongue. I am triumphant!)
God: But why does that matter?
If you’re doing what I’m asking you to do, then the consequences are on me…
just like the base coach who signals you to steal second…
the throw-out is his fault not yours.
(Stomp the ground defiantly.)
More snow out the window. Swirling upslop.
Me: I am wide awake now! You have my undivided attention—SPEAK!
God: Finally! Let me do MY job.
Get off your high and mighty and just be the hands and feet. Okay?
(I am still defiant… cheese and crackers has not helped.)
Me: But I just want to know…
God: Get over it! I’m not gonna tell you. Trust me… it’s all gonna be fine.
(The voice is still mad at me.)
(Stomp defiantly again. I will not go away quietly.)
Less snow now. I don’t think we’ll get the 7” they predicted.
(Why am I so stubborn and thick-headed?)
Me: I want to leave.
Me: Because I don’t like it here. It’s too hard and things aren’t going like I want.
God: Well tough… ‘cause this is where I want you… where I need you.
Me: But why?
God: Because I said so! How many times do we hafta go thru this?
(The voice is softer but still irritated with me.)
Me: ‘til it sinks in I guess.
(I try really hard…
but I am a terrible disciple.)
… later in the darkness… in my dreaming…
God: Oh my dear child, don’t be afraid… I am here.