Grief is a strange friend. Strange because it makes you believe things that aren’t true. Because it makes you see mirages in the desert. Because it messes with your heart to make your insides feel like raw, runny scrambled eggs. Grief is a strange friend with strange motivations.
My first job layoff 19 months ago was a total sucker-punch. We had no idea it was coming. Ouch! That stung like a whole hive of angry bees. The shock stayed with me for a long time. I can’t even count how many mornings I woke up feeling like I had literally been kicked in the stomach. Grief held me captive in shock for a long time.
I moved in and out of anger, sorrow, despair, light back to darkness, fear and hurt. Not a fun journey through healing to wholeness again; though perhaps necessary.
This time around the layoff circle, I started at resignation: “Of course I’m the one you’re letting go. That’s just my luck.” Resignation to defiance; then indignation and off to the wild blue yonder called anger. Confidence, then despair, back to confidence, then back to huge fear. Now back to middle ground. Today: let’s just focus on getting the immediate work done by the deadline… then maybe a long winter’s nap. Or at least a short one.
Throughout the turbulence has remained a steadfast circle of friends and family holding me up. I can call any of them at just about any time and they will answer to carry me through tears, to grab my hand when I sink in quicksand, to slog through the endless mud that marks this time in my life.
Thank you Jesus for these wonders in my life. Grief is just-a-sometimes-companion. These are real and faithful friends.