The hugest cloud of confusion that has muddied my seeing and single-handedly prompted this vision quest is that I have allowed others to tell me what I can and cannot do. (There I said it… out loud… whew…feels good to let it out/feels awful that I bought into the lie.)
Let me tell you that being laid-off from a church job feels terrible… plain and simple. The anger/hurt/feeling-that-you-didn’t-do-enough/didn’t-do-it-right/couldn’t-please-anyone cuts you to the bone. And then to have it happen a second time in less than 18 months… ugh… it’s just horrible. You start to believe every bad thing you hear/they tell/you feel/they reinforce. I worked so hard to reconcile/forgive/grieve/process/heal… but it just doesn’t come until the time is right. I think maybe finally the time is right for me.
So it’s funny that as I’ve been learning how to re-create/reinvent this new self-employed-kind-of-life, I’ve come across blog after blog telling me that what I have to offer the world is needed and valuable. That I… and only I… have unique perspectives and ideas that will benefit humankind. I shouldn’t be afraid to show what I can do. I couple that with the notion that God does in fact know exactly what I need to do and where I need to be doing it… which is evidently not what I was doing nor where I was doing it. (that’s a fun albeit convoluted thought I admit)
The bullies beat me up again and I let them keep me down. I let them squash me like a bug under their thumbs… all-the-time-unaware that I was allowing it to happen. No more! You’ve stomped on me for the last time!
And so my confusion lifts… my sight clears… my heart is full… and my spirit feels light. I am coming back to me again slowly but surely. It’s been a journey. You should try it. If you don’t know where to start, ask me. I’ll walk with you.
Question of the day: Do you let others tell you what you can’t do?