I really try to live this each and every day. And it’s a hard rule to abide… honesty. Sometimes speaking the truth out loud is hugely difficult… other times keeping the truth inside is even harder. Yes, there are times when not speaking aloud is the right choice. Sometimes, honesty has more to do with our own internal conflict than it does with everything else on the outside. I’m sitting in that liminal space now… and I don’t like it.
Teach me your ways, O God.
I’m trying to figure out if I have been wronged or if I’ve wronged someone else. The hurt in my heart is real enough… but I’m a little fuzzy on just why the hurt is there to begin with. Is it my doing… or another’s? My spiritual mind knows that in the long-run it doesn’t matter who did the hurting. But my human nature wants to place blame somewhere… preferably not on me. I’m in a very holy, churchy setting right now and well… God’s not letting me off the hook.
It would be so easy to pawn off the hurting to the other side and wait for reconciliation to be initiated my direction. But honestly, I don’t think that’s going to happen… the other side is totally oblivious to what has transpired. So to shout out my anger would be truthful but would also be hurtful. Might do more damage in the long-term relationship. A good example of when it’s better to keep honesty inside.
And yet I need to move past it…
When honesty is visible
Sometimes honesty doesn’t come out in truth-telling words. Sometimes honesty is more visible in actions. We can try to fool people with our words… but more often than not, it’s the actions that reveal more than words ever could. And even more apparent: when words and actions don’t match.
Some people are obviously dishonest. Others are just clueless and unaware. Most people fall somewhere in between. It’s not that they intentionally mismatch words and actions… it’s just how it comes out sometimes. If we are honest, we call those people to accountability by showing/telling them of the incongruity between what they say and what they do. It can be hugely difficult to say it out loud… and hugely difficult to keep it inside.
In this case…
I need to keep it inside because saying it out loud will serve no good purpose. If it gets to be too much to suppress, I will explode and shout out. I can only pray that the Holy Spirit will keep me from making a total mess of the situation and destroying some really good things that are in place. I am good with that… for now.
If all you ever do… be honest.