I didn’t know Minnesota had a rainy season. Did you? I’ve been here nearly two weeks and I can’t remember what the sun looks like… although I did walk out of the guesthouse early after lunch to see a very tiny break in the clouds. The brief sunlight in my eyes about knocked me to the ground I was so stunned. No joke. By the time my sunburned eyeballs recovered, the clouds had closed back up.
Gray skies and rain have worn down my resistance. I have been unceasingly soggy for so long… that I just don’t care anymore.
You hear me God?!?! Do what you want! I don’t care!
Stupid on my part. (Read my lips: Don’t try this at home!) You see… that’s where I went wrong… the whole challenge God thing… not a good idea. Mostly because God will take you up on it.
When you let your guard down, that’s when God can really do something with you. Usually not before then. Maybe for some… but definitely not me. God waits for the moment when I throw my hands up in frustration and fall to the ground in a very life-like-2-year-old temper tantrum. That’s when God has the most luck with me. It happened again just today.
The Sweetest Thing
Yesterday I was invited to a Come-to-Jesus meeting. I didn’t want to go because I knew what was going to happen. But I showed up… and it was hard… and I cried huge tears… HUGE tears… I was so embarrassed by my lack of emotional control…
and then… I was asked to give forgiveness… wow…
Today we celebrated the sacrament… I go to a monk… and I ask to be forgiven… wow…
I gave forgiveness… and I received forgiveness. Grace given and then received. Wow. So sweet.
Why do we wait so long?
If I would just stop being so darn stubborn… it would all be so much easier. I’d be so much happier. Life would be so much better.
Ate lunch with a woman I had just met. Somehow… (you know, like God-somehow) the conversation meandered and she said:
I think when I finally meet God, God is going to ask me, “Did you have fun?”
And I’m going to say… oh God… I’m so sorry that I did this and that… I really didn’t mean it when I said that… and I feel just awful about this…
But God’s going to respond by saying “Did you have fun? Did you see all those great flowers I created? Did you taste all those great foods I made? Did you try new things? Did you love with all your heart? Did you take time to play in all those fabulous places I made for you? Did you see the world and the people I put down there for you? Did you have fun with any of that?”
And how am I going to respond when God asks me that?
Good question. How will I respond?
I want to be generous like God is generous.
Forgiveness is a good place to start.