How long?

A day?  a week?  6 months?  1 year?  500 years?

Is there a minimum time requirement?  Or a maximum?  Just what is the proper etiquette or protocol regarding grudges?

Evidently it depends on the person or group… I mean… a good chunk of violence in the world can be traced back over millennia.

The holder-of-the-grudge is the one in charge of the length of time a grudge-will-be-held.  I know this… and you probably do too.

Because we are all at times both the holder and the hold-ee of grudges.


I’m in a pickle… actually more of a quandary.  Someone is still holding a grudge against me for something I wrote.  I can understand why there was pain.  But the presumption of malice… (that I intentionally tried to damage this person’s reputation) is inaccurate.

Some have said that I should have conveyed the whole story… both sides… more completely in order to be fair and honest.  That would have made things worse.  The details I left out were far more incriminating for the people involved.  So I only wrote my side of the story.

But now I am in that pickle… should I apologize or not apologize?  The holder-of-the-grudge still feels wronged and is holding-the-grudge… though for me it’s water under the bridge after all this time.


My quandary is this…

On one hand… I am sorry that this person feels maligned.  Let me say again:  I did not organize a campaign to damage your reputation.  Period.

On the other hand… I can’t honestly say that I’m sorry for what I wrote because the facts were true / the frustrations were mine alone / and I accepted responsibility for my own words and actions.

I can’t decide what type of apology is / isn’t necessary.

A Life of Higher Integrity

The internet holds onto our words forever… or at least as much of forever as we can imagine with our finite brains.  It is a tool that is taking on a living, breathing life of its own and entirely reframing the context of the world.  Good or bad… it’s all in the hands of those who use it.

Its power can be wielded to topple governments… and to connect people in far-off corners.  It exposes our raw edges and our intimate thoughts.

We are all vulnerable… our faults and failings can go viral in seconds.  That in and of itself should make us think more before we speak and act… to call us individually and collectively to a higher integrity.

The holder-of-the-grudge has taught me a good lesson in all this:

I promise to use this power more reverently.


About Elaine Menardi

Heading off on a new adventure! I solve problems and make ideas happen.

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