in the deep dark cave of a heart
in the way way down unders
is a place where no one ever goes
unless they seek the wonders

–from The Light Inside
   by Elaine Menardi

I’ve been exploring the way way down unders intensely for about the past 3 weeks.  Quite honestly, I need a good long nap just about now.

Last week I had one of those moments… you know the kind… like an earthquake in your soul that shakes up everything you know to be true.  It was during the last leg of our cross-country trek which would put it somewhere between Elko and Fernley… I’m guessing smack dab around Carlin… which by the way is beautiful country.

For whatever stretch of miles it was, I was lost in this profound sense of following “the call”.  [… not coincidentally… I was listening to a CD by “The Call”…]

For Me

The call is real… but elusive.  Every time I try to look at it head on or reach out to touch, it changes and moves further away.  So I have to be content to see it sideways and just barely feel its presence brush my fingertips.

The call is deep in my chest right beside my heart… and it looks like a cerulean blue sphere pulsing with white light.

It just leads me… and for some unknown reason I follow.

On the Road

Driving the other day I heard Moses’ voice in my head saying:

God has delivered us from slavery and
brought us to a land flowing with milk and honey.

My response:  This northern Nevada desert is the land of milk and honey?!?!   Seriously?  You expect me to buy that swamp-land?

The cost of a call… used to be 25 cents!

It’s been 16 years since we picked up the phone to answer this call to ministry.  {Seriously… it was an actual phone call.}

We packed up a house and two young children… left prestigious research and development engineering jobs… moved to the wild west to work in a remote rural Catholic parish doing youth ministry.

Several calls later {actual phone calls again!} and a thousand or so miles further, we are still following the call… [although I’m letting more go thru to voice mail these days].

It should have been scarier the first time… moving little kids / leaving high-paying jobs / going to a place with more livestock than people.

But today’s call feels just as scary.  We are even further away from family and friends… still in need of another job… empty-nesters… older and wiser about what God will ask of us.

Yes… this time around is just as scary as the first.

So for now, I’m falling back on a timeless prayer that soothes my soul in circumstances like these.

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead me by the right road,
I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
I may seem lost in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

–from Thoughts in Solitude
   by Thomas Merton 

Brave Voyager Onward!


About Elaine Menardi

Heading off on a new adventure! I solve problems and make ideas happen.

3 responses »

  1. Monique Jacobs says:

    Perhaps the trust has grown deeper as well…it has certainly been tried and
    found to be true. Hang tight. Moses made it to the promised land in his soul and no one ever really knows what went on between the two of them in the desert when everyone else hit the road. The saints are in your corner…so are a few people in the new land ahead!

  2. […] I have shared this story here on the blog a few times over the years… in fact, you might have read the opening just a bit ago in A Place Where No One Ever Goes. […]

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