Sometimes it’s scary to pray.
Think about that for a minute. Maybe longer.
I am seldom surprised by God’s answer to my prayers. I mean really surprised… like totally-out-of-the-blue-I-never-thought-of-that shock and awe.
I do have shock-and-awe moments though… like when circumstances and details converge with clarity and I have a conversion moment. Those rarely come in the formal guise of “prayer” though I am constantly seeking to live St. Paul’s words to “Pray always in all ways.” So those conversion moments do come in times of my unintentional prayer.
Just do it.
But honestly… when I sit down to “really pray”, I usually have an inkling of what I’m going to hear God say. Sometimes I feel a little afraid to even start because I know God’s going to say “Laine… just go do what I told you to do.”
And often my response is something like: “Yea okay… but could you just change your mind on this one? It’s really turning out to be harder than we both thought.”
And then almost always, there’s this image that flashes on-screen in my soul… a large hand with the index finger pointing to the right [usually the right… I don’t know why] and a silent reverberating voice saying… Go!
No. I am seldom surprised by answers to prayers.
So it’s scary to pray sometimes because the answers I get are not usually the easy ones. There is a pretty simple formula that typically plays out in my life… my prayer will be answered in such a way that challenges and stretches me beyond what I thought I could be.
I suppose that’s the whole purpose of prayer in the first place. Don’t know why it’s taken me so long to figure it out.
I received a newspaper article in the mail written by Fr. Ron Rolheiser. The last line goes: … we need to keep making new beginnings.
And this morning I was dreaming about a conversation with my father-in-law from a long while back. He said: … time to sell the cows and move back home.
What does it all mean?
Time to take it to prayer.