I am that good.
I can convince myself of anything if I try hard enough. When something feels like it’s in my own best interest, I am all over it like Winnie the Pooh and the honey pot!
And today… that scares me.
Because it makes truth feel subjective. Reality is distorted… and I don’t know which voice is the right one to be listening to. Mine is so much louder than any other in the general vicinity.
Uphill… both ways
Lately I feel like it’s been all uphill… both ways. Life just isn’t aligning how I think it should be… or rather, how I want it to. A lot of clawing and scratching / digging in with fingernails / crawling on my belly to make it through the muck.
But I open my eyes and look up… there are so many others in the world who struggle much harder than I do. Much harder.
I am abundantly blessed.
Still on some level, I am dissatisfied. I’m such a slug! Please forgive me, God!
So I’m going back in time to a lesson I have learned but apparently forgotten. I have been a student of Native American spirituality for a long while. I need to revisit: hollow bones.
First, he called in Wakan Tanka to rid themselves of everything about them that would get in the way, such as doubt, questions or reluctance.
Then he recognized himself as a clean vessel or tube, ready to be filled with hope, possibilities, and anxious to be filled with power.
He experienced the power as it came surging into him.
Finally, giving power away to others, knowing that as they are emptied out, the Higher Powers will keep filling them with even greater power to be given away.
The idea that shakes me inside is that I need to make myself into a hollow bone and let God use me without my interference… without me spinning a new, altered truth onto God’s will for my life.
That’s challenging… as is the prayer:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.