The Hardest Year

This has been a long and challenging year.  In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s been the hardest in all of the Menardi history to date.  Yep.

We have lived thru:  physical separation / reunion / more separation… relationships broken and repaired… bodies racked with cancer and reconstructed / potential end-of-the-road hospital visits / memories made and memories removed / traveling here-there-everywhere on-the-road-again… boxes packed / unpacked / repacked / loaded / unloaded / sorted / tossed / donated / stored… job loss and job gain… friendships dissolved with a single phone call… and the blank unknown of a still-emerging future.

You might think I am exaggerating for dramatic effect.  No.

I am so looking forward to hanging a new calendar on my wall soon and hoping for an easier 2013.

Music Soothes my Savage Beast

ninja-ipodThe early morning rain and clouds set the tone for today’s thoughts… it hardly ever rains here.  Whenever I get into one of these reflective funky moods, I have to be extra vigilant.

I don’t want to walk down the dark hallway to despair… it is easy to spiral into a deep and lonely place.

Music always helps me stay afloat.

For some reason, it just has a way of cutting through my crap and piercing straight into my soul.  I listen to almost all kinds of music so there is always something just right to soothe the melancholy.

I love how good songwriters can craft a lyric that fills my void.  It is pure artistry when a soundbite can sum up my whole heart in four words.

It happened again yesterday.

The Steps Get Bigger

For a while now I’ve been praying that God would ease up on us… just for a little bit.

Please let some little detail fall into place without us having to turn cartwheels to make it happen.  We work hard.  We always go the extra mile or four.  I just need an Easy-Break.  I’m feeling weary.

And then the song blares the only audible line:

The steps get bigger.

I honestly don’t know what the rest of the song is about.  I only heard that one line.

And what God said in my prayer is hard to hear… As you walk this road with me, don’t expect it to get easier.  The steps get bigger… because you get stronger as your faith gets deeper.

ooooo…. hard medicine to drink.

I don’t have anything left in me to respond to that just now.  Perhaps that is the whole point.

Time for more music… I think Dave Matthews or Phillip Phillips might be the ticket…

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About Elaine Menardi

Heading off on a new adventure! I solve problems and make ideas happen.

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