i really didn’t feel like going yesterday

… to church that is.  that’s a risky confession to make to the cybersphere.  i know you all read these blogs… but you don’t comment very much.  so that makes it hard to know what kind of person you think i am.  hopefully by now you realize that i’m just a run-of-the-mill / ordinary / standard / struggling-to-stay-faithful believer.

yes i believe… but some days it’s hard to sit in the pews.

but the readings hit me hard

water into wine… cut to the bone of my soul.  really, they were written just for me yesterday.

from isaiah 62:  you shall be called “my delight”.

from 1 corinthians 12:  there are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit; there are are different forms of service but the same Lord; there are different workings but the same God who produces all of them in everyone.  to each individual the manifestation of the Spirit is given for some benefit.

from john 2:  the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine…

and then fr. bob’s message… at least the one that i heard:

god delights in me.  if i give my gifts over to god, they will be transformed from water into wine.

i’ve been trying for a long time

… to let jesus change me from water into wine… to let god transform this mud-and-spit self that i am into someone who loves and wants to make the world a better place.  because i can’t do it on my own.  i can only give myself to god and allow the miracle to happen.

so all i can do right now is keep giving you my gifts.  keep trying to follow where you lead.  keep working to have faith amidst my doubt.  keep trusting that indeed you have a plan and you will provide.

this faith thing is hard for us humans.


About Elaine Menardi

Heading off on a new adventure! I solve problems and make ideas happen.

7 responses »

  1. fehringk says:

    Elaine, We all find it hard to go to Mass sometimes. You are not alone. The reason we go is to experience His Word just as you did this past weekend…..to be talked to and loved.

  2. Susan Lovato says:

    I am listening Laine. I appreciated your xmas card and little book. luv susan Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2013 19:08:48 +0000 To: lovatosl@hotmail.com

  3. Linda Boenisch says:

    Love your blog and love this entry. This week was hard for me, too. Feeling the winter depression. I need to get out my full spectrum light. I had never heard of the analogy of us being like the water being turned into wine. Thank you for sharing this. You are an inspiration to me. Keep on writing. Let the spirit flow!

    • Thanks Linda. It’s such a gift to know that simple words and stories reach into people’s hearts.

      I love the image of me as water being turned into wine by Jesus. It gives me great hope that my ordinariness can be transformed by God. I have always hoped that what I do and who I am has meaning… and this Gospel reminds me how true it is. Easy to forget on the days when life is too big and overwhelming.

      Peace to you and your family!

  4. Dan says:

    The cartoon tells it all: the problem isn’t that I won’t allow Jesus to turn my water into wine but that I want it to be merlot, not what Jesus wants it to be.

    • That’s the real heart of the matter… I just know I’m more of a pinot most days… but Jesus really wants me to be shiraz. Hmmm….

      Another friend told me last week: “Do whatever he tells you.”

      Okay… I’m working on it.

      Peace Dan 🙂

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