here we go
I’m sorry that you are angry with me. I imagine you are hurt because I didn’t trust a secret with you… although surely, you already knew what was happening. I had two intentional reasons.
First… everything in my life came crashing through the wall when your world came to a standstill. When someone you love dies… even when death comes in a visible disguise… there are boundaries that polite society abides. We stood back and gently held you in prayer, hoping that you would feel the weight of our love and concern buoying you up in a time of deep sadness.
At the time, there was no room to add another emotional twist into an already jammed life drama.
And by the time that healing was nudging out heartache, I was in the death-grip of discernment. My spiritual director reminds me that sometimes the soul must discern in silence and solitude. Sometimes, it is necessary to walk alone… no matter the kind-hearted desires and intentions of others who want to walk with us.
Ultimately, each person’s journey to God is a singular interiority. It is the living task of life that compels us to seek the strength of community.
The result of the Great Discernment is that I am moving on in a few weeks. This will be an adventure! I’m am very excited for a new future but it is an early and unexpected chapter in my story.
You have often called me strategic… but I’m not calculating or manipulative… it’s just how my brain works. This situation may appear to be about something else to you and others in the office… but it’s really about God’s hand moving me where I need to be… again. Trust me. If I were the one making all the decisions, everything would be working much differently than it is.
My lesson here is trust. And I have every good reason to trust… God has always provided for me. Always.
So prayers all around. If we were to look at the earth from space, we would see a swirling cloud of chaotic humanity… which is exactly what we are. We are blessed. And life will carry on.