There is a circumstance going on in my life right now that has chopped me at the knees. To be quite honest, my self-esteem and confidence are about shredded. Things have been done and words have been said that have caused me much pain and heartache.
I haven’t responded to any of it yet because I know that I would lash out in anger and none of it would be pretty. Or kind.
I don’t like to be ugly or mean-spirited so I try to avoid exposing my shadow side to the world unnecessarily.
I’ve been praying about the best way to handle this situation… how to respond in a way that honors myself / is firm and professional and honest / but also gentle-hearted.
I have thought of words I want to say / actions I want to take. I have way-too-over-obsessed on all this and I need to let go and allow karma to work its bite-you-in-the-butt magic.
My guard was down… because the answer came from my heart instantly:
I want to do that because I want them to hurt like I’ve been hurt.
Well… that was honest… but * OUCH * !
How can I be so cruel and harsh?
Do you want to forgive them?
Yes. I really do want to forgive / let go / and move on.
Or do you want to be a person of forgiveness?
Oooohhh… double * * OUCH * * !
The two questions coming from some deep place in my soul crystallized the choices at hand into something much bigger than simply dealing with this situation.
Do I want to spend the rest of my life totally focused on myself and all the ways I’ve been mistreated / will be hurt by other people’s words and actions?
Or do I want to be a person who cultivates a spirit of generosity and kindness in all that I am and do so that maybe I won’t take offense in the first place?
I am reminded again of what I learned recently from Fr. Richard Rohr:
Only the false self takes offense.
My false self is working its bite-you-in-the-butt karma magic on me today… big time!
I want to be a whole person of forgiveness.
Now that the words spill out from my keyboard, my task at hand is obvious. Don’t know why I was obsessing so feverishly. The answer is pretty simple:
Do the right thing and take the high road.